a▓▓▓▓▓ is ..

ahh. law of trust gone. didn't really addressed the question but i've written all that i've known into the paper whether relevant or not (perhaps 70% isn't relevant to the question). screw it.. i'm so mentally exhausted and been stoning for 4 hours after the paper..

there's no sense of excitement at all.. things seem so bleak and bland after finishing this paper. yeah, i was relieved right after the paper and happy that i could do FOUR questions, that was all i asked for.. but once discussions outside the exam hall occured, my hopes were kinda destroyed because i found out that i didn't actually address the questions, and the marking for Year-2 subjects are much stricter than the ones in Intermediate year. fuck.

feel so mentally exhausted, supposed to find my chick in the evening, but after stoning for 4 hours without much excitement or eagerness to let loose and enjoy, i really couldn't gather myself to see my chick. can't let her see how empty and bleak i feel right now. every laughter was a forced one, just tryin to get some stress out of my head.

this 'after exam' feeling isn't one of happiness and joy.. but more like you've participated in a huge war and lots of casualties were suffered, and both sides were on the losing end. nobody won. the air is filled with sombreness and we just have to return to our homes forcing a smile on our faces and trying to tell ourselves that it's alright, the war is over, but we all know that it's not... there might be a repeat of this in the future.

i'm asking, what if i don't pass this year's exam? should i continue with law? i don't even know why i'm here in the first place, other than the reason of "my parents want me to do something practical before i could pursue whatever i want". law is a fucked up subject, there ain't any definite answers, fucking academicians and contradicting judgements from the law lords, theories and criticism, arguments and ethical blasphemy of law lords refusing to back down on their 'im always right' claims are fucking us up. puki tiang.

feelings are messed up right now, not like what i expected it to be...