i used to lov things that i wanna get or things that make me happy , stuffs like shoes and bags. but when shit goes bad i just feel like sellin them off because money right now could probably save my ass from everything that i'm goin thru.
money management is somethin i still haven't learnt fully. not even partially.
frens can only stick up for u to an extent, and later on you're on your own.
cny's comin, i have no mood for it because i'm goin to thailand with my familiy.
my birthday's comin, i have no mood either because i don't know where my future lies.
i dont think about the future. i don't know what i'm gonna be next time. much less i don't think how am i gonna maintain a relationship which blossoms into a marriage. life's a learnin process and i know that at times like these its actually a challenge.
am i just too scared to face the truth? scared to face it alone. i've been dependant (on gfs and friends) for the past few years and i've forgotten how it tastes like to be alone.
people said that i'll be fine, let time fill in the void.
altho when others go thru the same thing i'd tell them that as well, for me, i still can't really drill those words into my heart. my mind doesn't think what my heart thinks. and my soul doesn't wanna feel what my heart feels.
once again i felt like i shouldn't have done things that i've done. i can't even find the meaning of the tattoos i've done so far. its supposed to help me go thru times like this.. i'm sorry to all of you, i still can't find myself.
i've been submerged with chasing paper and the lights recently until i've ignored what i really am and what i'm really looking for. i love being crazy, maybe its a part of who i am but it also helps disguise me. what do you do when u can't accept someone's mindset and yet still harboring strong feelings for her? i've been through this once and maybe i'm going thru it again.
the feeling of not wanting to let go and yet knowing that it'll be detrimental in the long run if things carried on like usual. don't know what i'm lookin for and i really do hope that i would as soon as possible.
and now once again.. i find myself returning to you, the three sides of me on my back. the past, the present, and the future. please give me inspiration and the strength to carry on, hold my head up high, watching my back for dangers, and not falling into the abyss of nothingness.
you could be the only one to save me from this.
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