a▓▓▓▓▓ is ..

i can't sleep.. im feelin alot of regret i don't know why..

regret not doing things right..

regret wasting my time and energy..

regret focusing on the wrong thing and wasting my life away..

i want to improve myself but i keep saying "no motivation, no mood etc"

then last friday i went for CF.. and altho im not actually a christian, i still listen to the things they say because it can also apply to me.. peter was talkin about confessions.. its like u confess to one thing in ur heart, but u say the opposite thing out.

like lets say.. i want to start playing piano again, but i keep on telling others that i have no motivation, lazy and all those.. the words that i say will end up becoming the truth..

i dont know why im not a optimistic person.. i've got myself into some troubles and i can't seem to find a way out of it. seriously the past few months i was rotting away.. not doing anythin productive at all. i really gotta start picking up my books and actually read and understand. and i gotta sit my ass at the piano and practise those exam pieces however shitty and horrible they may sound like.

i can't be too lazy.. its fucking me up. actually i'm very very tired, but before i sleep i was thinkin about tomorrow, its already tuesday.

this might seem like bullshit but im gonna make some resolutions:

1. i am going to study tomorrow at home.

2. i am not goin to go out of the house to yamcha or jalan jalan tomorrow

3. i will practise the piano tomorrow

4. i will be a more productive person and stop procrastinating

"you can do whatever you set your mind to"

-eminem-

last saturday's headbanging session is really workin wonders.. after feelin empty for so long, now i actually feel motivated to get my life back on track =) but fuck it.. my neck is damn fuckin pain, and my shoulder, and my back, and my knees.. i dont know how the fuck i threw myself around the room and jumping and spinning my head.